Selfish

The last few weeks have been a struggle. As the newness of the puppy dies down, and we really begin to realize what we've gotten ourselves into (though she's still absolutely worth it!), reality has set in. I have just 11 days until graduation...11 days to get 2 finals and 1 major graduation-determining project done. Then there's two weeks or so to get Christmas shopping done - we still have Adam's family and my parents to shop for. Save the dates need to be mailed before the holidays, too. And in the middle of all this chaos, Adam has been in California for 8 of the 11 days since Thanksgiving. And he's going to be there most likely through the rest of this week.

For the first trip, his work asked him the day after thanksgiving (friday) to fly out Sunday. He was gone until that Thursday evening, after they struggled for a good 12 hours to even decide to let him come home. So he got home Thursday evening, and on Friday he was called to fly back on Saturday - even though he was originally told he wouldn't need to come back out for another 4-5 days. Friday night I really thought I was at my wits end - playing mom to a puppy 24 hours a day by myself while trying to do school stuff and work AT LEAST 25-30 hours in a week is TOUGH! The house is a mess, laundry has been stretched out over the past 3 days now and there's no end in sight. I can't get out much, either, as we're only able to leave Callie by herself for a few hours at a time at this point. And since we live a pretty good distance north of most of our friends and family, that cuts the actual social time down to an amount that usually isn't even worth it for the drive. I am definitely fortunate that I can go home to my parents and bring the dog, but sometimes a girl just needs a night out with her girls!

The phone call on Friday from his office was enough to make me break down. I literally screamed that I wasn't going to do this for the next 25 years. I know his bosses' wives have put up with it, but I don't know how they do it. It isn't so much that he's gone....it's that they keep jerking him - us - around...one day he's told he can stay in town...and the next he's being asked to fly out with less than 12 hours notice. Our plans are constantly going down the drain, and it's been very hard to enjoy the holiday season.

I know it's selfish of me to be angry. And I know there are thousands...millions...of girlfriends, wives, whatever, who hardly ever get to see their boyfriends and husbands, and even those that will never get to see them again. I'm lucky my fiance isn't stuck in the middle east risking his life. I really don't even have the right to be mad, when you think about it. But even when the anger died down on Friday night, I was still disappointed. I think that disappointment will linger until he comes home...which is supposed to be tomorrow night, but I'm waiting for that phone call that lets me know he's gone until next week.