Bubbles, EKGs, and Echos, oh my!

After 6 years of successfully avoiding the cardiologist, I finally went in this week. Had an echo (ultrasound) yesterday, and my EKG & appointment w/ the new doctor today. All things considered, things look good! PHEW! A lot can change in 6 years, and there was always the possibility that I could have left that room needing to schedule surgery or something...but for the time being (at least the near future), I am in the clear!

The echo was pretty standard, until they told me they were going to inject bubbles into my heart. WHAT?! I thought injecting air into the blood stream was deadly? Well, apparently not if it's via agitated saline. And who am I to question a medical professional? hah! Beyond the big needle in my arm, I felt nothing. The purpose of this procedure was to watch the bubbles on the echo to make sure they weren't entering a chamber in my heart that they weren't supposed to, as that would indicate a defect in the repairs done years ago.

My EKG was abnormal...which is normal for me! The most important thing monitored on my EKG is my QRS duration. The QRS duration is basically a measurement of the ventricular conduction - my electrical system! Mine is delayed due to scarring...so the left side of my heart has to compensate for the right side, which can lead to problems down the road (arrythmias, need for a pace maker, etc.). Good news - I'm not at any "immediate" risk for sudden death. How reassuring.

I also received "clearance" to have kids down the road. This wasn't necessarily a huge worry of mine, as I've been pretty healthy over the years all things considered, but ya never know. Since this was my first non-pediatric cardiology visit, I figured today was the day to ask the "what if?"'s. There's of course an increased risk of passing on my heart condition (and/or any other of the kazillion health issues that I have), and bed rest is a big possibility, but overall it's pretty safe for me and the baby. I don't even have to have a C-section like I originally assumed (not like another scar would have made a difference).

I get to go back in a few weeks for what they call a "stress test"...I like to call it the "run of death". They basically stick me on a treadmill and have me run, while they increase the elevation of the ramp, until I can't run anymore. Yeah, I only made it 11 minutes last time. I don't think this next time will be any better!

I'm so glad I finally sucked it up and got this over with, especially since the results were good.

Next up....dentist...YUCK!

Inspiration for the road ahead

It is October 27th, which means that I have something like 54 days until graduation. That's 54 days until I can work full time, and 54 days until I can have my life and sanity back. Of course, there's no guarantee that I can find "real" job in the next 54 days, especially given the state of the economy and Colorado's freeze on all public safety jobs, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But where I'll go after I reach the end of that tunnel, I have no idea.

Many people have asked me, and I'm sure will continue to ask me, why in the HECK do I want to "work with dead people"? My joking response is typically, "they are patients that don't talk back". But in truth, there is a much larger and more important story behind my interest. As I sit here watching a Today show segment on the murder of KATV newsanchor Anne Pressly in Arkansas, I'm reminded that telling my story is therapeutic for me in a world of violence and death. So here goes...

It was my Sophomore year of High School. I think it was a Tuesday night, but I can't remember exactly. My brother had hockey practice, and him and my dad weren't expected home for another hour or so. It must have been around 9 or 10pm, mom and I were turning off the lights in the family room & closing the blinds before heading to bed, when mom saw people with flashlights in our neighbors' backyard. My parents' house sits just a bit higher than the houses behind it, so we had a pretty good view of this yard & even the col-de-sac that the house resided on. We knew it wasn't normal for random people to be rummaging through a friend's yard late at night. Then they started coming into OUR yard. More flashlights, as if they were searching for something, not just trying to guide themselves in the dark. We quickly called our friends who lived next to the house whose yard was beind searched, but they too had no idea what was going on. Over the next hour or so we watched these strangers continue to search, even shining their lights onto the roof of the home. What seemed even more odd was the fact that they weren't entering the house for more than a few seconds at a time. The lights in the kitchen were on, the back door was wide open, but no one would stay in the house.

Eventually, my dad and brother came home, but since they are less nosy than my mom and I, they ignored the strangers crawling around the perimeter of the backyard. Then the phone call came. Minutes after we had called our friends to see if they knew anything, their own doorbell rang and they were confronted by two police officers. One of the officers asked to use their bathroom, and our neighbor bartered with him - "You can use my bathroom if you tell me what's going on". Quite forwardly the officer responded, "The sonuva bitch shot his wife and kids, that's what's going on". When we got the phone call, all I remember is hyperventalating for the first and only time in my life.

Despite sharing a fence with this family, we hadn't spoken to them in depth for almost a year before hand. They had children considerably younger than my brother and I, and I got the feeling that they felt they no longer had anything in common with my family. Before kids, my parents threw them their first baby shower. Years later, my brother and I used to cross into their yard and play on the swingset with their son, or watch videos with him. But once their twins were born, and my brother and I of course got older, we socialized less and less. Regardless of these changes, never in a million years would we suspect problems.

The night the bodies were found, the details began to unravel....messy, disturbing, mysterious details. He was on anti-depressants after coming into financial problems. He told his coworkers that him and his family were going on vacation, so they wouldn't hear from him for a few weeks. His wife, a school teacher, had those next few weeks off anyway from class...and so did his kids. Perfect timing. He used a silencer, possibly sedated his family beforehand so no one woke up mid-massacre. And once it was all done, he climbed back into bed with his deceased wife and shot himself.

We later found out that the police were searching their yard, our yard, and roofs for evidence. As any good forensic practitioner would know, you must treat every scene as a homicide, and as if the murderer is not one of the victims but rather is running around town. So, they searched for shell casings, a knife, clothing, anything dropped when this supposed murderer left the scene. Eventually, once a search warrant was obtained and they could enter the home to inspect the scene, details showed a different story. It was apparently quite clear that the head of the household was responsible.

That night I obviously couldn't sleep. It wasn't just the images going through my head, it was that my bedroom window faced this house and was being intruded by local newscasters' bright lights as they did their nightly report in front of this now-crime scene. Highlands Ranch wasn't supposed to be the home of stuff like this. This was BIG news.

Weeks later, in my journalism class, we were asked to write an opinionated piece about our view of the media. I wrote about my original disdain for the newscasters in front of the house that night, their freedom to intrude & twist the facts as time went on. However, in the end, I realized...these newscasters - though there to promote a sensational story for the benefit of ratings - were one of the last voices for these victims. They graciously told the story of precious lives cut too short. I knew I could never, ever be one of them, though. The camera just isn't for me. So how else could I speak for the victims? Forensic science, that's how. My passion for science and justice was ignited.

And now, 8 years later, this passion remains...though dampened a bit by a disappointing graduate program, and by too many hours conducting autopsies (even for those with a strong stomach, this task wears on you more than you realize in the moment). I still have a desire to fight for those who can't speak. But, if I don't want to work in a lab, and I don't want to conduct autopsies, nor do I want to work as an investigator spending all day calling family members to tell them their loved one is dead...where does that leave me?

It's taken me years of internal debate and frustration and school loans to determine my long-term path, my "calling" if you will. While I have no idea what I'll be doing post-graduation for the immediate future - there are little to no forensic opportunities in this state - I do know that one day I will go back for my RN. Conversations with mentors, family members and professionals have shown me that I have this amazing balance that I need to tap in to: My years as a pediatric patient at Children's hospital has taught me the impact and importance of nurses. But my forensic exposure has taught me the importance of respecting the deceased, preserving evidence, and still fighting for the victims. One day, I will work as a forensic nurse. In an odd way, I think that I have been blessed to have been exposed to such traumatic experiences over the years - whether it be as a friend of this murdered family or a long-term patient who spent most of her childhood in a hospital. Both times in my life have helped to provide me direction and remind me that I am indeed a very, very lucky girl.

There's something about wine...

There's something about wine...something so appealing and intimidating at the same time. It's romantic, and mysterious.

I started to enjoy wine - and by enjoy, I mean take the time to learn and remember the types and names - a little over a year ago. I think what really catapulted my enjoyment was a visit to Adam's aunt & uncle in Boulder. They had invited us over for dinner last fall, and of course being the very cultured people that they are, they had an amazing wine selection. Prior to our arrival they had selected a Malbec (type of grape) wine, and though we were unsure of what we were getting ourselves into, we weren't going to say no. Wine is wine, right? Wrong. Oh...my...goodness. Talk about a nearly-orgasmic wine experience (sorry for the images). So, I thought, this is what "knowing your wine" can do for you! That's right ladies...if you're single or your man isn't home...just pick up a bottle of Malbec wine!

I know so many people who refuse to try wine instead of their usual hangover-causing cheap well drink, or have had one "bad" experience and will never go back again. I guarantee I could refer a few great bottles and change their mind. OK, I'm not an expert, and I'm not trying to be a wine snob...I know I have much too much to learn before I reach that level, and to be honest, I don't WANT to reach that level. I certainly haven't dabbled in the expensive stuff (>$20), nor do I think I want to. In fact, some of my fav Pinot Grigios are under $10 -look for "Mommy's Time Out"...a great mother's day gift, or, get creative...I gave it to a lady I babysat for at her 1 year old's birthday party! She and all of her mommy friends LOVED it! And, I'm proof that you don't have to be a Mommy to enjoy it!

For me, what wine comes down to is it's simplicity and it's flexibility. You can drink it by itself, or pair it with whatever you're eating. I know many fancy restaurants will recommend specific kinds with a certain meal...screw that. For me, beyond the basic "red with beef, and white with chicken & seafood", I'm not about to get picky. Adam and I really enjoy opening up a bottle at the end of a hectic day and just settling in for a good movie (or Myth Busters) & a glass of "Insatiable". In fact, we've decided that for our honeymoon we will be visiting Napa Valley & Sonoma. Could it get any more romantic? Vineyards in the fall, wine cellars, and picnic lunches on wine tours.

Plain and simple, I don't have the time, patience, or the money to really become an expert. I simply want to know the basics, enough to make smart choices but not get obsessive. And yes, I'm going to continue to pick some bottles just because they have a cool label...it is amazing what you can find when you go that route! (Try "Bloom" or "Red Truck"...both cool labels, great wines.)

So, though I'm not about to spend hours researching proper wine tasting, let's just say I don't want to be clueless Jack when I'm in Napa....time to do some reading, and of course more tasting...

Jack: Man! That's tasty!
Miles: That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it any more.
Jack: Pinot noir?
Miles: Mmm-hmm.
Jack: Then how come it's white?
Miles: [laughs] Oh, Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in wine country. They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit, OK?

Renewed Purpose with Hesitance

Since I moved back to the Denver area from Colorado Springs in May, I have lost a lot of my "duties" at work.  There are just simply some things one cannot do from home in the same efficient manner in which they were done in the office, so I relinquished them.  But as the months have gone by, and more people have been hired into my department, I've continued to have things taken away from me.  Some days this is a big relief, but most days, I just feel useless.  I wonder why they kept me on (practically begged me to stay), but am thankful for a paycheck at least.  

Last Friday it was decided that I would start taking minutes for our twice-a-week board meetings.  This is a task that I have done everything in my power to avoid taking on since the day I started in my department.  At this point, though, I figured I had nothing to lose - working from home is the ideal situation for a minute taker!  Plus, I've spent countless hours fixing the errors from the other minute taker post-meeting, I was confident I knew the rules and would help others cut back on the amount of time they'd have to spend fixing my product.

My scheduled start for this new job was November 4th, but thanks to a phone company's screw up yesterday, I had to step in for our current minute taker.  I type like 200wpm (that's an estimate of course), so recording the discussions as the doctors rambled on at about 250wpm was no problem. It was after the meeting that I began to hesitate.  I've spent over a year in my current department and have built up a pretty decent reputation despite my young age, but here I was, with a 24-page document in front of me that essentially guides the next day's activities for ALL of our operations staff...and I was nervous as heck.  I am pretty sure I read over the final copy about 6 times, terrified that I'd get pointed out for one little error that I had corrected so many times on other people's minutes.  But really, it's different when you're seeing it all as your own product - all of the words just mesh...nothing looks organized and you start to worry that you plugged in the right responses for the right sections and you count the number of voting members about 7 times (ok, maybe that's my OCD).  It's the oddest thing, though, to be that nervous about something that you KNOW you know how to do.  In the end I am sure I did the absolute best that I could - 1 hour meeting, and 3 hours editing! 

Even with all of this anxiety, it is nice to finally have a project on my plate that isn't going to waver week to week, a rare thing with this company.  Sure, I am cautious as this task could get yanked from underneath me, but seeing as how they hate hiring out because it = more $, I figure I'm in a pretty good spot...for now! 

Where is the Snow?

Blizzard of '06

October in Colorado is known to be the first snowy month of the season. We've even had record-breaking blizzards in October. This is a big reason why we chose to have our fall wedding in September!! But this year, this October, it's now the 21st, and still...no snow.

Yesterday was the closest it's come so far in the metro area. Cloudy, 50s, moisture in the air...but all that fell was rain. Tomorrow we're supposed to get a "rain/snow mix", but that's no fun...nothing to shovel. Not that I have a driveway, but still, snow is only worth it if it's shovelable (yes, that's a word). And it's supposed to be upper 60s this weekend, what?! I just put away all of my shorts & tank tops. It's really not cool of mother nature to mess with my wardrobe organization.

Even worse, this year is the first year in a long time where I am truly ready for snow. After spending a summer without air conditioning in a tiny little town home with no air flow to cool you off, and working from home, therefore not having to worry about traveling on icy roads, AND now I'm finally in a place with heat that reaches all rooms...I am SO ready for snow!! The one time I'm looking forward to it for all the right reasons, we have a dry spell.

Well, at least I'm not an anxious 6 year old whose trick-or-treating will be impeded by the first major snow of the season.......

Woes of a lonely remote worker

I really swore to myself that I wasn't going to blog today - it's just another distraction from things I SHOULD be doing. But here I am. Couldn't focus on work. I think I took one too many puffs of Albuterol - shaky hands, racing mind, anxiety (apparently, all normal side affects according to the package insert). And the computer's inability to open my documents at the moment isn't helping.

Today I am going to dish out a piece of advice. Take it from me, people: NEVER work from home. I don't care if you are so dedicated that you shut off the TV every day, you avoid surfing the internet, and you never take breaks to escape for Starbucks or Q'doba...working from home is NEVER as productive as working on site. Oh sure, I guess if it was a company that had the resources to provide you with a solid connection to their server, quick fixes for phone issues, and if they were even a reliable source to begin with....it might be easier. But if it takes 15 minutes for word documents to save, and you have to cross your fingers that the computer won't freeze up this time, and you hope that the next time you pick up the phone it won't cut out every 3 seconds, then you certainly won't be productive...no matter how hard you try. And on those days where things REALLY go wrong, you will have no co-worker to vent with on a smoke break or a walk around the building. Instead, you'll end up venting to your cat, and you'll walk away even angrier because she isn't sympathizing with you.

Another negative to working from home - the munchies!! I never suffered from the Freshman 15. Rather, I am suffering from the Remote Worker 15. (You don't believe me? I had to order my wedding dress in a size TEN. I can only blame so much of that on my wide rib cage.) See, my work space is pretty much in the kitchen. It's far too easy to grab the pretzels, a Coke, or even the Halloween candy that we bought a month ago (we were totally in denial about not eating it before the 31st) while waiting for my computer to decide when to function properly. Ugh, damn you candy corn & Microsoft.

I would totally go work out, believe me! We are literaly 20 steps from the gym at our leasing office. Sure, I'll go sometime in between work, class, volunteering, homework, and job hunting. Oh and after my lungs clear up from this rediculous Reactive Airway Disease. Yeah, like I needed another "disease" to keep track of.

Speaking of disease, I suppose I should get back to work. And put away the candy. And shut off the TV. Oh look, my Word document isn't frozen anymore....

Job Prospects + Prayer Request

Well, day 2 on this thing, I'm on a roll! =) As many of you know, I am very unhappy with my current job situation, and I have been since the beginning of this year. I am unable to leave it as they're providing me the flexibility to work from home to accommodate my Friday class schedule (I have to drive 2 hrs each way). But, as I approach graduation, I can FINALLY seek something full time to start end of Dec/early Jan. I have submitted at least 15 applications for jobs over the past few weeks, and I've heard NOTHING. Last night I applied to what might be the most promising situation so far: Entry-level underwriter for Liberty Mutual. To be honest, my current job and finishing up this degree has burnt me out of science for a while, so why not go into insurance? Yeah, I can't explain the logic behind it, but whatever. My goal right now and for the near future is to simply obtain a stable job that pays well (even this entry-level job is 41-46 a year!) so I can a) save for the wedding, b) pay off my credit card, and c) put some aside in savings....all in hopes of someday going back for a Nursing degree....then I can FINALLY get my dream job!


On a side note...a much less uplifting one....a friend of mine from work just found out this week she has Stage 3 cancer. She's only 19, and was engaged last month, hoping to get married in May 2009. For now, of course, she is focusing on getting well. I have not heard much in terms of a prognosis or treatment plan, but if you all could please pray or keep her in your thoughts or whatever it is you do to send good vibes, it is very much appreciated.

Have a good one....

Here goes nothing!

I've had this blog up and running for...months? a year?...I have no idea. I didn't even know I had set one up until I stumbled upon it in my Google settings. So, why not give it a shot and see if I can keep it going? You all know I'm pretty good at venting, and this just might be a good outlet for that. Plus, all the cool people are doing it!

A little about where I am in my life now: 1 month from being the proud "mom" of a new puppy (can't wait!), 2 months from graduating with my Masters, 11 months from getting married, and too far away from going to nursing school (but I suppose I could take a break from school without protest). I am engaged to a wonderful man who gets me like no one else, and for that I know I am extremely fortunate.

Beyond frustration with work and bordem with school, nothing too exciting is happening currently. However, I would like to share an experience I had a few nights ago. Thanks to Facebook, I recently connected with a girl in Denver who has something in common with me: congenital heart disease. Most of you know that I have numerous health issues, and though they don't necessarily threaten my life every day, it's something that, in my mind, has always set me a part from everyone else. I've always been open about talking about it, but deep down, I know I'm "different". It was so nice to meet someone who could share that bond, yet we still know it doesn't define us. Anyway, she is an organizer for the local Adult Congenital Heart Disease Association group, which meets once a month. This past Sunday I finally attended a session, and WOW....It was incredible to meet individuals in their 60s, who have my same condition, and they're still fiesty as ever. They were treated by the pioneers in the field, the same doctors that developed the procedure that saved my life! Amazing! Anyway, I could go on and on, but what it came down to was, I got the swift kick in the @$$ that I needed. I haven't been to a cardiologist in 6 years, when I should have been going at least every other year. And now that I'm settling down, this disease affects more than just me. That's not to say that it didn't affect my immediate family, but now I'm looking down the road at marriage and kids and being able to help support my family....so NOW is the time to get back on track. I actually picked up the phone yesterday and contacted the ONLY Adult Congenital Heart clinic in the state, and left a message to make an appointment. I can reasonably expect everything to go well, but keep your fingers crossed for me anyway!