I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

OK, This blog is a little belated, as I could see the light a week or so ago. And by that I mean, I'm days away from officially having a masters degree! I have 1/2 of a final left that's due on Thursday, I'm hoping to get it done today though. Graduation is Friday, though I am not attending, the 19th still feels like the "official day".

The past year and a half has had major ups and downs in terms of school. I've had a range of emotions about this program...but really, when it comes down to it, I'm just glad to have MSc after my name, hah! I know I'll go back to school eventually...I was planning on starting pre-reqs for nursing school this next summer, but we'll see. And of course, on my way out last night after my 2nd to last final, my professor put Physician's Assistant's school in my head. Who knows.

After undergrad, I was completely prepared to continue being a student. But this time, I NEED a break. For my own sanity. My brain needs a breather. As I was driving to campus last night I was suddenly struck with this feeling of "now what?". It was my last trip to a college campus for who knows how long. What am I going to do with my time? How will I handle not having a homework routine, or not having to dedicate Sundays to playing catch up? I have lots of books I can catch up on...a few crafty projects to finish and more to start....but I think it's going to take me a few weeks for this freedom to really set in.

Selfish

The last few weeks have been a struggle. As the newness of the puppy dies down, and we really begin to realize what we've gotten ourselves into (though she's still absolutely worth it!), reality has set in. I have just 11 days until graduation...11 days to get 2 finals and 1 major graduation-determining project done. Then there's two weeks or so to get Christmas shopping done - we still have Adam's family and my parents to shop for. Save the dates need to be mailed before the holidays, too. And in the middle of all this chaos, Adam has been in California for 8 of the 11 days since Thanksgiving. And he's going to be there most likely through the rest of this week.

For the first trip, his work asked him the day after thanksgiving (friday) to fly out Sunday. He was gone until that Thursday evening, after they struggled for a good 12 hours to even decide to let him come home. So he got home Thursday evening, and on Friday he was called to fly back on Saturday - even though he was originally told he wouldn't need to come back out for another 4-5 days. Friday night I really thought I was at my wits end - playing mom to a puppy 24 hours a day by myself while trying to do school stuff and work AT LEAST 25-30 hours in a week is TOUGH! The house is a mess, laundry has been stretched out over the past 3 days now and there's no end in sight. I can't get out much, either, as we're only able to leave Callie by herself for a few hours at a time at this point. And since we live a pretty good distance north of most of our friends and family, that cuts the actual social time down to an amount that usually isn't even worth it for the drive. I am definitely fortunate that I can go home to my parents and bring the dog, but sometimes a girl just needs a night out with her girls!

The phone call on Friday from his office was enough to make me break down. I literally screamed that I wasn't going to do this for the next 25 years. I know his bosses' wives have put up with it, but I don't know how they do it. It isn't so much that he's gone....it's that they keep jerking him - us - around...one day he's told he can stay in town...and the next he's being asked to fly out with less than 12 hours notice. Our plans are constantly going down the drain, and it's been very hard to enjoy the holiday season.

I know it's selfish of me to be angry. And I know there are thousands...millions...of girlfriends, wives, whatever, who hardly ever get to see their boyfriends and husbands, and even those that will never get to see them again. I'm lucky my fiance isn't stuck in the middle east risking his life. I really don't even have the right to be mad, when you think about it. But even when the anger died down on Friday night, I was still disappointed. I think that disappointment will linger until he comes home...which is supposed to be tomorrow night, but I'm waiting for that phone call that lets me know he's gone until next week.

Puppy, turkey, and snow (finally)!

Usually I can blog once or twice a week, even if I have meaningless stuff to talk about. This past week, however, has been CRAZY!! We are one week + a few days into being the proud parents of our puppy, and yeah, we're exhausted. Callie sleeps 7+ hours a night, but she likes to go to bed at 7pm, so she's up at 2am. Actually, the past few mornings have been better...not having to get up until about 4:30 or 5am. Of course, she has no issue falling back asleep after a potty trip and some play time to tire out again. Adam and I, on the other hand, are up for the rest of the day.


Callie has had lots of play time with my parents' westie, Yoda, and wow, what a pair to watch!! We have some great video of those two running around outside...it's like Yoda and her mini me! The pup has also met Adam's parents' cat, Chloe, and those two chased each other for a while, too. Our cat, Harley, isn't BFF with Callie, but they're getting there. Since the dog sleeps in her kennel in the bedroom, the cat avoided her usual spot on the bed for a few days. Now, though, they're sleeping in the same room and Harley's hissing is to a minimum. I am glad we are restricting the cat to the upstairs and the dog to the downstairs during the day, otherwise, I think we'd have a lot of broken stuff from the two chasing each other around. I think once the cat gets over being pissed off and the dog gets over being a puppy (yeah, right), they'll be curling up on the couch together!

Adam is out of town to California through Wednesday or Thursday. It will be interesting to see how I tackle work + school + puppy full time! It's amazing how much having a puppy is like having a baby (from what I hear, anyway)...no sleep, constant supervision, and keeping the house clean goes completely out the window. We need to start leaving her alone for a few hours at a time, which might be a necessity anyway when we have to head to the mall to finish Christmas shopping in the coming weeks. If things go as planned, and I get a full time job by early 2009 (cross your fingers for me...job interview next week), she's going to have to get used to staying in her kennel for a full day. This is hard with the whole house training thing right now, but I'm sure it will all work out.

Let's see...Thanksgiving was nice. We had a Thanksgiving lunch with Adam's family, and a dinner with mine. Dad is getting around more and more each day, and I think he was glad to socialize over the holiday with the friends and family that came over - he's feeling a bit cooped up at home by himself every day, especially since his mobility is limited.

We (meaning Colorado) finally got the first measurable snow. Better late than never, I suppose. Westminster only got about an inch or so last week, but the southern suburbs where my parents are, and the mountains got SLAMMED this past weekend. It was a bit amusing watching the news about shut down highways and horrible roadway conditions, only to look out our window and see melted snow and sun. Callie at least got to enjoy the little bit that fell here...took her a while to realize it's cold as hell to put your butt to, but when you gotta go you gotta go!

Though the puppy seems to be consuming my time, I do have lots to finish for school...graduation in less than 3 weeks, holy cow! 2 finals and 1 project left. I can't believe I'm this close to being DONE. I think I am going to miss school, but I am DEFINITELY ready for a break, which is something I couldn't say post-undergrad.

Well, I must get back to work...I'm learning to be productive when the dog is fast asleep!!

Welcome home, Macallan Grace!

Well, we survived our first day/night with the new puppy!! We had an 11:30am scheduled pick up time, and wow, what a hard decision it was to choose between two equally adorable puppies. The one we didn't choose was the smaller dog of the litter - not small enough to be considered the "runt" though - and she had an incredible short tail due to it being kinked at birth...it had to be clipped, sad. She was a good dog, she just didn't have the attitude and temperament we were looking for. Anyway, Adam apparently made up his mind immediately when he flipped both dogs on their backs gently and the one just kind of laid there and looked at him like, "ok, whatever, this is cool". He knew that was his dog. And when he took her outside, and she tackled the steps like a champion, and picked up any stick in sight...he REALLY knew. She's a lover, a cuddler, and has lots of energy.


Here's an email I sent to my parents describing the first night in particular:
She slept from 7:30pm to 2:00am - wow! She took a few "cat naps" in the afternoon in her "den" (kennel, but we're trying to call it her "den") - she seemed to be immediately comfortable w/ the kennel so when she fell asleep for the night we decided to carry the whole kennel upstairs so she could continue to sleep somewhere familiar. She didn't make a peep till 2am. We spent the next 2 hours making potty trips and playing with her till she fell asleep again from 4am to 6am. We're crossing our fingers she sleeps like this tonight and the next night and so on, but I think she was just extra tired from what a crazy day it was, and I doubt we can match that excitement today.

She's peed twice in the kitchen and twice on the rug at the front door (of course she waits till she's inside and warm) - but she did poop outside w/ adam around 3am...exciting moment, from what I hear.

The cat felt banished from the room, of course, sleeping on the couch downstairs. She did actually venture into the bedroom when the dog first moved up there - Callie stuck her nose out of the kennel but otherwise ignored the cat and went to sleep. The cat hissed for a while and left. She came back a few times through the night to just venture the room and make sure the dog was still there...and then she'd leave for the guest room. At least she's making attempts to approach the dog on her own terms.

Nicknames for the dog, already, thanks to the big ears: Dumbo, SATCOM, and Radar...oh, and we're thinking Bunny Rabbit is appropriate for next year's halloween costume
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On a side note...my dad is home from the hospital following his knee replacement surgery. He was supposed to come home Thursday, however, his oxygen SATS were low all week, and they decided to do a CAT scan. They found a blood clot in his lung. He's now on oxygen and blood thinners, and he's very grumpy (my poor mother!). But at least he's home.

Checked Out

I have a final paper due tomorrow. It's only 5 pages, it's a pretty basic topic with very little analysis involved, and the annotated bibliography is a breeze. I have to keep reminding myself that it's an undergraduate level course (I'm only taking it to remain a full time student to keep my insurance benefits! hah). Well, I've gotten about 90% of my research done, but I've only written 1 page. I have until midnight tomorrow, no problem! I'm not even stressed about it. Two years ago, maybe even last winter, I would be freaking out right about now!

I also had a report due at work yesterday. It's a monthly thing, due to be mailed out by the 15th of every month. I think I've only been delayed on one in more than a year of doing them. Yesterday I had planned to go into work after class, like I do every other Friday, and complete the report while simultaneously training a lady in the department. She may be taking over this report when & if I leave the company, so she needed to see it get done rather than just read departmental instructions. Well, it snowed. Ironically, this lady lives up north near me and only drives to the Springs (2 hour drive) 3 days a week, including Fridays. Even though we got little to no snow in our area, Monument and Castle rock - half way between us and the Springs - got slammed. We decided to stay home. No big deal for me - I got out of class & I work from home 90% of the time anyway. In order to try and get some work done, I went over to this lady's house and we decided to try and do the report from home. Well, by 2pm I lost my connection to the work server, and could no longer save my work or access other files. Normally...like say, 4-5 months ago, I would have done everything in my power to regain my server connection. I would have freaked about the report not going out by the 15th. But yesterday, we laughed. I said, "screw it", and shut the computer screen. We spent the next 2 hours chit chatting about miscellaneous things (don't worry, I didn't add those 2 hours to my time card).

I think I have officially mentally checked out of both school and work. I simply need a break. I LOVE school, and I know I'm going back in a few years for my nursing degree, but I really just need a breather for a while. And work? Oh goodness, don't even get me started. That place is still crumbling, and it's sad to watch from a distance. I was literally in fear for my job this week, but that fire has been put out. Actually, there never was a fire, just something I created in my head. That'll happen when your co-worker tells you he's "not at liberty to tell you" why he's asking for you to measure your effort on certain tasks. Right.

I've never been more disappointed by my job AND my schooling, and believe me, I've had some crappy jobs and some crappy classes. The past year and a half has been a major learning experience, and for that I am grateful. I've learned things are only what you want them to be and what you make of them. Months ago, I really wanted things to work out - I worked my @$$ off to go above and beyond simply to make myself feel challenged and useful. But now, I'm doing the bare minimum most times, and my sanity is very OK with that.

Puppy Prep!

After 3 months of waiting, we finally have a picture of our puppy, Macallan "Callie" Grace!

Well, we have pictures of 3 pups...we just don't know which one is ours, yet. I wish we could take home all of them. All 3 of the pups - born September 15th - in the litter are female, and we get 2nd pick on Friday, November 21st.

The weather has been unusually warm lately. Colorado usually gets it's first snow by the end of October, but the Denver-metro area is still waiting! I just know we'll get a big snow storm the day we pick up Callie...it's definitely our luck. Well, regardless, I am going to enjoy every minute taking this pup outside for a potty break or a walk, or both.


Adam bought those "catches" to put on the cabinet doors. Our cat, Harley, has a tendency to open all of the cabinet doors at night - in the kitchen AND the master bath - and the last thing we need is a whiny puppy stuck in a cabinet. We have Callie's bed, kennel, plenty of toys & a travel crate. All we need now is her food! Harley found the box of dog bones and tore a corner off...plastic and cardboard everywhere.

I have a feeling these two animals combined are going to give me and Adam one helluva time! My parents' westie, Yoda, didn't have much of a puppy phase. I spent the first 2 weeks with her at home before going off to DU, and sure she had her potty training issues, but she never chewed on shoes or ripped apart electronics. However, I am fully expecting our new puppy to dig, chew, and poop and pee everywhere. Just preparing for the worst, ya know.

After we pick up Callie from the foster mom's house in Littleton, we plan on heading straight home for a week of getting used to the cat & the first floor of the townhouse. My mom really wants us to bring Callie to her house - 5 minutes from where we're picking her up - but since my dad will only have been home for 1 day post-surgery by then, I think it's best we wait until Thanksgiving. Although, it would be pretty funny to watch a puppy run circles around my gimpy, drugged-up father.

I've put my volunteer hours at the Denver Medical Examiner's Office on hold until after January 1, knowing that between this dog, work, and finishing school, I'm going to be pulling my hair out. Oh, and not to mention the 2 big holidays in between, which will involve hauling the new pup to both my parent's house and Adam's parent's house. Attempting to attend company holiday parties will be difficult, since we won't be able to leave Callie home alone for more than 2-3 hours for the first month or two. I suppose that having to stay home every night will save us money!


Harley is like my "first born", and she'll always be my baby, but I'm pretty sure I can put up with her being a snot toward me in retaliation for bringing home this foreign, annoying creature. I really hope Callie will have the spunk to tease Harley and put up with her Princess attitude. I am sure we'll have many funny videos and pictures as those two learn to get along! Eventually, they will be best buds and Harley will forgive me!

So...10 more days until the furball comes home...here's to hoping for good weather on the 21st!

Weekend happenings

Well, I was hoping to have more exciting stuff to blog about by the end of this weekend, but my plan to attend my 2nd Adult Congenital Heart Assoc. Mtg tonight didn't pan out. Note to self: Avoid the nacho cheese @ the Rio next time. Blech.

We were able to spend time with both family and friends this weekend - Dinner with a large group for a friend's birthday, and breakfast at the Egg and I with my side of the family. My cousin Stacey (mom's sister's daughter) was in town from Atlanta for business, and we all got together for breakfast. She got engaged on October 31st, planning on a June wedding. Her sister - my other cousin of course - Becky, got engaged a few months ago and will be getting married 3 weeks after Adam and I in Texas. Needless to say, it's going to be a travel-wedding-filled (and expensive) 2009! My grandpa is a quiet man but I can tell he's tickled that all 3 of his granddaughters are engaged to be married within the next year! It will be an eclectic mix of weddings, as well...One Catholic, one Jewish, and one non-denominational. Whew!

With just 10 days until the puppy arrives, we bought the bedding that fits in the kennel. It's fun setting things up, almost like getting ready for a baby in a way I think. We already talk about how we'll manage social events scheduled within the first few weeks of having the puppy. We won't be able to leave her alone for very long the first few months while she's potty training, so we'll have to be creative about our schedules, I'm sure.

I received good news on Friday in my class that pretty much determines graduation -- while I'm on track credits wise, and my grades have been awesome since the beginning, this current professor feels the need to threaten last-semester students w/ our current research project. Since the program doesn't have a thesis involved, she's attempting to make this research class intimidating. Really, it's not...but there's always that fear that one class or teacher could hold you back. Anyway, my group received major kudos on our progress report. We honestly felt we weren't going in the right direction with our project, but she was impressed, so I'm happy! I can't believe graduation is 6 weeks away. Especially considering how much has to get done before then!!!

That's my only update for now. Not very exciting, sorry. Maybe tomorrow I can bitch about how awful my stress test at the doc's was?

The power of a magnet

When I started this blog, I secretly told myself I wouldn't use it to vent or even discuss wedding-related stuff. I'm pretty sure I have plenty of friends that are already sick of me talking about it, and we still have 11 months to go! But, I have to share the "wow" moment I had last week.


First, let me preface with some info: Since we got engaged in March, I've been very "now, now, now!" about getting things out of the way for this wedding. (I get the impatience from my father, and the determination from my mother.) We had wedding party members chosen and asked within weeks, and we booked the ceremony and reception site by June. We've booked the photographer, DJ, I already have my dress in my possession, and the favors have been decided on. Mom is even cranking out centerpieces (I can't complain she's doing them this early; seasonal items have to be bought NOW, and it keeps her out of my hair!). I also have several small items picked out, they just need to be ordered at this point (toasting glasses, etc.).


We've had brief moments where we just kind of stand there after signing another contract and think...are we doing this all too early? What else is out there to look at? Is there a cheaper price? More options out there somewhere? Don't get me wrong - we have done a TON of research before booking each vendor, and I've always gotten those "gut feelings" when we come to a decision, so I don't think we're making the wrong choices. Plus, doing things in advance has been great in terms of being able to pay things off before the wedding!


Something that I've realized with each contract that we sign is that I haven't been getting any of the overwhelming feelings that I was expecting...like "Holy $%&#, this is really happening". We just sign the paper, accept the fact that we have gone further into debt, and that is that. Conversations with friends and family about this wedding haven't phased me, either. I have two cousins currently engaged, both getting married in 2009 as well, and we talk about our weddings like it's planning a vacation. Even being added to Adam's Life & Health Insurance plan didn't help anything click in. These are all big items...life changing things...but really, it didn't make my day feel any different from the day before. So, who woulda thought that a business-card sized item would help bring in the shock factor??

Out of all of the choosing thus far, the Save the Dates were the easiest. Oh sure, we went back and forth with about 3 different templates, but we weren't debating between companies or prices or anything. The ordering process was so easy, and after 2 weeks in processing, they showed up at the front door last week. When I first saw the brown box - after answering the door to an Obama supporter going door-to-door - I really didn't think it was them. I thought the box was too plain to be holding the first tangible progress of this wedding that Adam and I alone had decided on and purchased. But sure enough, after reassuring this lady I already sent in my ballot and she didn't need to try to rope me in, I opened the box and there they were..150 magnets, envelopes, seals and return address labels crammed inside.

I promptly took a magnet out, reviewed it for correctness of course, and then stuck it on the fridge. And then I had my "wow" moment. Wow...I'm getting married..."Lenda" will be replaced with "Boyts"...and every previous conversation about "us" rather than "me" came into a brighter light of importance. These "wow"'s have been good "wow"'s...don't worry. I am very ready for this step forward, and more excited than I could have ever imagined. I just never thought it would take a magnet on the fridge to put everything into perspective and make it real.

The calm before the storm

This weekend was a good reminder of the craziness that is about to ensue. With the first of the "big" holidays behind us, turning the clocks back (we needed this extra sleep!), and a rare dinner with both sets of parents, we finished off the weekend with a lazy Sunday at home....knowing that the next 8 weeks are going to be nuts!

* Callie, our new puppy, comes home Nov 21! - This means lots of shopping, and "puppy proofing" the house
* My dad is having knee replacement surgery Nov 18th - with this and a new puppy, Thanksgiving should be interesting
* 2 papers due in the next month
* Finals in 6 weeks
* Graduation in 9 weeks
* The pressure to escape my current job will only increase as I approach graduation, so I suppose I should find the time to complete another 2 dozen job applications
* Adam is most likely going to be out of town for half of December...leaving me with a new puppy (and an angry cat)!
* 3 family birthdays in December
* Usual chaotic holiday shopping...only made more stressful by a tight budget this year! At least we can bring dad along for handicap parking =)

So, today begins the first of many crazy weeks ahead. I'm sure we'll come out alive, but I think I'll need a vacation by mid-January. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to take a week off before starting a new job....but I guess I need to find a new job first. *sigh*

Halloween 2008

Halloween this year was pretty calm, but we still dressed up and managed to get out of the house and socialize a bit. As you may or may not know, Adam's favorite movie (and that's an understatement) is Office Space. He can recite it line for line. Last year when I lived in CO Springs, I was inspired to dress up as Joanna the waitress for our costume "party" at work. This year, since Adam and I would be together for the holiday and planned on doing some couples-costume, I bought the authentic Office Space flare. My costume this year turned out much better than last year's - new shirt, new apron, and real suspenders. Adam dressed up as Lumberg...and he was pretty spot-on, I have to admit! He even had the mug!

Bubbles, EKGs, and Echos, oh my!

After 6 years of successfully avoiding the cardiologist, I finally went in this week. Had an echo (ultrasound) yesterday, and my EKG & appointment w/ the new doctor today. All things considered, things look good! PHEW! A lot can change in 6 years, and there was always the possibility that I could have left that room needing to schedule surgery or something...but for the time being (at least the near future), I am in the clear!

The echo was pretty standard, until they told me they were going to inject bubbles into my heart. WHAT?! I thought injecting air into the blood stream was deadly? Well, apparently not if it's via agitated saline. And who am I to question a medical professional? hah! Beyond the big needle in my arm, I felt nothing. The purpose of this procedure was to watch the bubbles on the echo to make sure they weren't entering a chamber in my heart that they weren't supposed to, as that would indicate a defect in the repairs done years ago.

My EKG was abnormal...which is normal for me! The most important thing monitored on my EKG is my QRS duration. The QRS duration is basically a measurement of the ventricular conduction - my electrical system! Mine is delayed due to scarring...so the left side of my heart has to compensate for the right side, which can lead to problems down the road (arrythmias, need for a pace maker, etc.). Good news - I'm not at any "immediate" risk for sudden death. How reassuring.

I also received "clearance" to have kids down the road. This wasn't necessarily a huge worry of mine, as I've been pretty healthy over the years all things considered, but ya never know. Since this was my first non-pediatric cardiology visit, I figured today was the day to ask the "what if?"'s. There's of course an increased risk of passing on my heart condition (and/or any other of the kazillion health issues that I have), and bed rest is a big possibility, but overall it's pretty safe for me and the baby. I don't even have to have a C-section like I originally assumed (not like another scar would have made a difference).

I get to go back in a few weeks for what they call a "stress test"...I like to call it the "run of death". They basically stick me on a treadmill and have me run, while they increase the elevation of the ramp, until I can't run anymore. Yeah, I only made it 11 minutes last time. I don't think this next time will be any better!

I'm so glad I finally sucked it up and got this over with, especially since the results were good.

Next up....dentist...YUCK!

Inspiration for the road ahead

It is October 27th, which means that I have something like 54 days until graduation. That's 54 days until I can work full time, and 54 days until I can have my life and sanity back. Of course, there's no guarantee that I can find "real" job in the next 54 days, especially given the state of the economy and Colorado's freeze on all public safety jobs, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But where I'll go after I reach the end of that tunnel, I have no idea.

Many people have asked me, and I'm sure will continue to ask me, why in the HECK do I want to "work with dead people"? My joking response is typically, "they are patients that don't talk back". But in truth, there is a much larger and more important story behind my interest. As I sit here watching a Today show segment on the murder of KATV newsanchor Anne Pressly in Arkansas, I'm reminded that telling my story is therapeutic for me in a world of violence and death. So here goes...

It was my Sophomore year of High School. I think it was a Tuesday night, but I can't remember exactly. My brother had hockey practice, and him and my dad weren't expected home for another hour or so. It must have been around 9 or 10pm, mom and I were turning off the lights in the family room & closing the blinds before heading to bed, when mom saw people with flashlights in our neighbors' backyard. My parents' house sits just a bit higher than the houses behind it, so we had a pretty good view of this yard & even the col-de-sac that the house resided on. We knew it wasn't normal for random people to be rummaging through a friend's yard late at night. Then they started coming into OUR yard. More flashlights, as if they were searching for something, not just trying to guide themselves in the dark. We quickly called our friends who lived next to the house whose yard was beind searched, but they too had no idea what was going on. Over the next hour or so we watched these strangers continue to search, even shining their lights onto the roof of the home. What seemed even more odd was the fact that they weren't entering the house for more than a few seconds at a time. The lights in the kitchen were on, the back door was wide open, but no one would stay in the house.

Eventually, my dad and brother came home, but since they are less nosy than my mom and I, they ignored the strangers crawling around the perimeter of the backyard. Then the phone call came. Minutes after we had called our friends to see if they knew anything, their own doorbell rang and they were confronted by two police officers. One of the officers asked to use their bathroom, and our neighbor bartered with him - "You can use my bathroom if you tell me what's going on". Quite forwardly the officer responded, "The sonuva bitch shot his wife and kids, that's what's going on". When we got the phone call, all I remember is hyperventalating for the first and only time in my life.

Despite sharing a fence with this family, we hadn't spoken to them in depth for almost a year before hand. They had children considerably younger than my brother and I, and I got the feeling that they felt they no longer had anything in common with my family. Before kids, my parents threw them their first baby shower. Years later, my brother and I used to cross into their yard and play on the swingset with their son, or watch videos with him. But once their twins were born, and my brother and I of course got older, we socialized less and less. Regardless of these changes, never in a million years would we suspect problems.

The night the bodies were found, the details began to unravel....messy, disturbing, mysterious details. He was on anti-depressants after coming into financial problems. He told his coworkers that him and his family were going on vacation, so they wouldn't hear from him for a few weeks. His wife, a school teacher, had those next few weeks off anyway from class...and so did his kids. Perfect timing. He used a silencer, possibly sedated his family beforehand so no one woke up mid-massacre. And once it was all done, he climbed back into bed with his deceased wife and shot himself.

We later found out that the police were searching their yard, our yard, and roofs for evidence. As any good forensic practitioner would know, you must treat every scene as a homicide, and as if the murderer is not one of the victims but rather is running around town. So, they searched for shell casings, a knife, clothing, anything dropped when this supposed murderer left the scene. Eventually, once a search warrant was obtained and they could enter the home to inspect the scene, details showed a different story. It was apparently quite clear that the head of the household was responsible.

That night I obviously couldn't sleep. It wasn't just the images going through my head, it was that my bedroom window faced this house and was being intruded by local newscasters' bright lights as they did their nightly report in front of this now-crime scene. Highlands Ranch wasn't supposed to be the home of stuff like this. This was BIG news.

Weeks later, in my journalism class, we were asked to write an opinionated piece about our view of the media. I wrote about my original disdain for the newscasters in front of the house that night, their freedom to intrude & twist the facts as time went on. However, in the end, I realized...these newscasters - though there to promote a sensational story for the benefit of ratings - were one of the last voices for these victims. They graciously told the story of precious lives cut too short. I knew I could never, ever be one of them, though. The camera just isn't for me. So how else could I speak for the victims? Forensic science, that's how. My passion for science and justice was ignited.

And now, 8 years later, this passion remains...though dampened a bit by a disappointing graduate program, and by too many hours conducting autopsies (even for those with a strong stomach, this task wears on you more than you realize in the moment). I still have a desire to fight for those who can't speak. But, if I don't want to work in a lab, and I don't want to conduct autopsies, nor do I want to work as an investigator spending all day calling family members to tell them their loved one is dead...where does that leave me?

It's taken me years of internal debate and frustration and school loans to determine my long-term path, my "calling" if you will. While I have no idea what I'll be doing post-graduation for the immediate future - there are little to no forensic opportunities in this state - I do know that one day I will go back for my RN. Conversations with mentors, family members and professionals have shown me that I have this amazing balance that I need to tap in to: My years as a pediatric patient at Children's hospital has taught me the impact and importance of nurses. But my forensic exposure has taught me the importance of respecting the deceased, preserving evidence, and still fighting for the victims. One day, I will work as a forensic nurse. In an odd way, I think that I have been blessed to have been exposed to such traumatic experiences over the years - whether it be as a friend of this murdered family or a long-term patient who spent most of her childhood in a hospital. Both times in my life have helped to provide me direction and remind me that I am indeed a very, very lucky girl.

There's something about wine...

There's something about wine...something so appealing and intimidating at the same time. It's romantic, and mysterious.

I started to enjoy wine - and by enjoy, I mean take the time to learn and remember the types and names - a little over a year ago. I think what really catapulted my enjoyment was a visit to Adam's aunt & uncle in Boulder. They had invited us over for dinner last fall, and of course being the very cultured people that they are, they had an amazing wine selection. Prior to our arrival they had selected a Malbec (type of grape) wine, and though we were unsure of what we were getting ourselves into, we weren't going to say no. Wine is wine, right? Wrong. Oh...my...goodness. Talk about a nearly-orgasmic wine experience (sorry for the images). So, I thought, this is what "knowing your wine" can do for you! That's right ladies...if you're single or your man isn't home...just pick up a bottle of Malbec wine!

I know so many people who refuse to try wine instead of their usual hangover-causing cheap well drink, or have had one "bad" experience and will never go back again. I guarantee I could refer a few great bottles and change their mind. OK, I'm not an expert, and I'm not trying to be a wine snob...I know I have much too much to learn before I reach that level, and to be honest, I don't WANT to reach that level. I certainly haven't dabbled in the expensive stuff (>$20), nor do I think I want to. In fact, some of my fav Pinot Grigios are under $10 -look for "Mommy's Time Out"...a great mother's day gift, or, get creative...I gave it to a lady I babysat for at her 1 year old's birthday party! She and all of her mommy friends LOVED it! And, I'm proof that you don't have to be a Mommy to enjoy it!

For me, what wine comes down to is it's simplicity and it's flexibility. You can drink it by itself, or pair it with whatever you're eating. I know many fancy restaurants will recommend specific kinds with a certain meal...screw that. For me, beyond the basic "red with beef, and white with chicken & seafood", I'm not about to get picky. Adam and I really enjoy opening up a bottle at the end of a hectic day and just settling in for a good movie (or Myth Busters) & a glass of "Insatiable". In fact, we've decided that for our honeymoon we will be visiting Napa Valley & Sonoma. Could it get any more romantic? Vineyards in the fall, wine cellars, and picnic lunches on wine tours.

Plain and simple, I don't have the time, patience, or the money to really become an expert. I simply want to know the basics, enough to make smart choices but not get obsessive. And yes, I'm going to continue to pick some bottles just because they have a cool label...it is amazing what you can find when you go that route! (Try "Bloom" or "Red Truck"...both cool labels, great wines.)

So, though I'm not about to spend hours researching proper wine tasting, let's just say I don't want to be clueless Jack when I'm in Napa....time to do some reading, and of course more tasting...

Jack: Man! That's tasty!
Miles: That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it any more.
Jack: Pinot noir?
Miles: Mmm-hmm.
Jack: Then how come it's white?
Miles: [laughs] Oh, Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in wine country. They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit, OK?

Renewed Purpose with Hesitance

Since I moved back to the Denver area from Colorado Springs in May, I have lost a lot of my "duties" at work.  There are just simply some things one cannot do from home in the same efficient manner in which they were done in the office, so I relinquished them.  But as the months have gone by, and more people have been hired into my department, I've continued to have things taken away from me.  Some days this is a big relief, but most days, I just feel useless.  I wonder why they kept me on (practically begged me to stay), but am thankful for a paycheck at least.  

Last Friday it was decided that I would start taking minutes for our twice-a-week board meetings.  This is a task that I have done everything in my power to avoid taking on since the day I started in my department.  At this point, though, I figured I had nothing to lose - working from home is the ideal situation for a minute taker!  Plus, I've spent countless hours fixing the errors from the other minute taker post-meeting, I was confident I knew the rules and would help others cut back on the amount of time they'd have to spend fixing my product.

My scheduled start for this new job was November 4th, but thanks to a phone company's screw up yesterday, I had to step in for our current minute taker.  I type like 200wpm (that's an estimate of course), so recording the discussions as the doctors rambled on at about 250wpm was no problem. It was after the meeting that I began to hesitate.  I've spent over a year in my current department and have built up a pretty decent reputation despite my young age, but here I was, with a 24-page document in front of me that essentially guides the next day's activities for ALL of our operations staff...and I was nervous as heck.  I am pretty sure I read over the final copy about 6 times, terrified that I'd get pointed out for one little error that I had corrected so many times on other people's minutes.  But really, it's different when you're seeing it all as your own product - all of the words just mesh...nothing looks organized and you start to worry that you plugged in the right responses for the right sections and you count the number of voting members about 7 times (ok, maybe that's my OCD).  It's the oddest thing, though, to be that nervous about something that you KNOW you know how to do.  In the end I am sure I did the absolute best that I could - 1 hour meeting, and 3 hours editing! 

Even with all of this anxiety, it is nice to finally have a project on my plate that isn't going to waver week to week, a rare thing with this company.  Sure, I am cautious as this task could get yanked from underneath me, but seeing as how they hate hiring out because it = more $, I figure I'm in a pretty good spot...for now! 

Where is the Snow?

Blizzard of '06

October in Colorado is known to be the first snowy month of the season. We've even had record-breaking blizzards in October. This is a big reason why we chose to have our fall wedding in September!! But this year, this October, it's now the 21st, and still...no snow.

Yesterday was the closest it's come so far in the metro area. Cloudy, 50s, moisture in the air...but all that fell was rain. Tomorrow we're supposed to get a "rain/snow mix", but that's no fun...nothing to shovel. Not that I have a driveway, but still, snow is only worth it if it's shovelable (yes, that's a word). And it's supposed to be upper 60s this weekend, what?! I just put away all of my shorts & tank tops. It's really not cool of mother nature to mess with my wardrobe organization.

Even worse, this year is the first year in a long time where I am truly ready for snow. After spending a summer without air conditioning in a tiny little town home with no air flow to cool you off, and working from home, therefore not having to worry about traveling on icy roads, AND now I'm finally in a place with heat that reaches all rooms...I am SO ready for snow!! The one time I'm looking forward to it for all the right reasons, we have a dry spell.

Well, at least I'm not an anxious 6 year old whose trick-or-treating will be impeded by the first major snow of the season.......

Woes of a lonely remote worker

I really swore to myself that I wasn't going to blog today - it's just another distraction from things I SHOULD be doing. But here I am. Couldn't focus on work. I think I took one too many puffs of Albuterol - shaky hands, racing mind, anxiety (apparently, all normal side affects according to the package insert). And the computer's inability to open my documents at the moment isn't helping.

Today I am going to dish out a piece of advice. Take it from me, people: NEVER work from home. I don't care if you are so dedicated that you shut off the TV every day, you avoid surfing the internet, and you never take breaks to escape for Starbucks or Q'doba...working from home is NEVER as productive as working on site. Oh sure, I guess if it was a company that had the resources to provide you with a solid connection to their server, quick fixes for phone issues, and if they were even a reliable source to begin with....it might be easier. But if it takes 15 minutes for word documents to save, and you have to cross your fingers that the computer won't freeze up this time, and you hope that the next time you pick up the phone it won't cut out every 3 seconds, then you certainly won't be productive...no matter how hard you try. And on those days where things REALLY go wrong, you will have no co-worker to vent with on a smoke break or a walk around the building. Instead, you'll end up venting to your cat, and you'll walk away even angrier because she isn't sympathizing with you.

Another negative to working from home - the munchies!! I never suffered from the Freshman 15. Rather, I am suffering from the Remote Worker 15. (You don't believe me? I had to order my wedding dress in a size TEN. I can only blame so much of that on my wide rib cage.) See, my work space is pretty much in the kitchen. It's far too easy to grab the pretzels, a Coke, or even the Halloween candy that we bought a month ago (we were totally in denial about not eating it before the 31st) while waiting for my computer to decide when to function properly. Ugh, damn you candy corn & Microsoft.

I would totally go work out, believe me! We are literaly 20 steps from the gym at our leasing office. Sure, I'll go sometime in between work, class, volunteering, homework, and job hunting. Oh and after my lungs clear up from this rediculous Reactive Airway Disease. Yeah, like I needed another "disease" to keep track of.

Speaking of disease, I suppose I should get back to work. And put away the candy. And shut off the TV. Oh look, my Word document isn't frozen anymore....

Job Prospects + Prayer Request

Well, day 2 on this thing, I'm on a roll! =) As many of you know, I am very unhappy with my current job situation, and I have been since the beginning of this year. I am unable to leave it as they're providing me the flexibility to work from home to accommodate my Friday class schedule (I have to drive 2 hrs each way). But, as I approach graduation, I can FINALLY seek something full time to start end of Dec/early Jan. I have submitted at least 15 applications for jobs over the past few weeks, and I've heard NOTHING. Last night I applied to what might be the most promising situation so far: Entry-level underwriter for Liberty Mutual. To be honest, my current job and finishing up this degree has burnt me out of science for a while, so why not go into insurance? Yeah, I can't explain the logic behind it, but whatever. My goal right now and for the near future is to simply obtain a stable job that pays well (even this entry-level job is 41-46 a year!) so I can a) save for the wedding, b) pay off my credit card, and c) put some aside in savings....all in hopes of someday going back for a Nursing degree....then I can FINALLY get my dream job!


On a side note...a much less uplifting one....a friend of mine from work just found out this week she has Stage 3 cancer. She's only 19, and was engaged last month, hoping to get married in May 2009. For now, of course, she is focusing on getting well. I have not heard much in terms of a prognosis or treatment plan, but if you all could please pray or keep her in your thoughts or whatever it is you do to send good vibes, it is very much appreciated.

Have a good one....

Here goes nothing!

I've had this blog up and running for...months? a year?...I have no idea. I didn't even know I had set one up until I stumbled upon it in my Google settings. So, why not give it a shot and see if I can keep it going? You all know I'm pretty good at venting, and this just might be a good outlet for that. Plus, all the cool people are doing it!

A little about where I am in my life now: 1 month from being the proud "mom" of a new puppy (can't wait!), 2 months from graduating with my Masters, 11 months from getting married, and too far away from going to nursing school (but I suppose I could take a break from school without protest). I am engaged to a wonderful man who gets me like no one else, and for that I know I am extremely fortunate.

Beyond frustration with work and bordem with school, nothing too exciting is happening currently. However, I would like to share an experience I had a few nights ago. Thanks to Facebook, I recently connected with a girl in Denver who has something in common with me: congenital heart disease. Most of you know that I have numerous health issues, and though they don't necessarily threaten my life every day, it's something that, in my mind, has always set me a part from everyone else. I've always been open about talking about it, but deep down, I know I'm "different". It was so nice to meet someone who could share that bond, yet we still know it doesn't define us. Anyway, she is an organizer for the local Adult Congenital Heart Disease Association group, which meets once a month. This past Sunday I finally attended a session, and WOW....It was incredible to meet individuals in their 60s, who have my same condition, and they're still fiesty as ever. They were treated by the pioneers in the field, the same doctors that developed the procedure that saved my life! Amazing! Anyway, I could go on and on, but what it came down to was, I got the swift kick in the @$$ that I needed. I haven't been to a cardiologist in 6 years, when I should have been going at least every other year. And now that I'm settling down, this disease affects more than just me. That's not to say that it didn't affect my immediate family, but now I'm looking down the road at marriage and kids and being able to help support my family....so NOW is the time to get back on track. I actually picked up the phone yesterday and contacted the ONLY Adult Congenital Heart clinic in the state, and left a message to make an appointment. I can reasonably expect everything to go well, but keep your fingers crossed for me anyway!